I have always been terrified of change. When I was a child, I hated changing seats. One time, when I was around 7 or 8, I got into a fight with a classmate simply because he didn’t want to go back to his seat (and he was sitting on MY chair). I grew older, and got a day job, and it was the same.
Before finding a job, it took me almost a year to have the courage to actually get out there and get an “adult” job, one that would give me a paycheck that I could show to people and say “Hey, I actually am an adult now.” It was horrible. It was not a good time for me. My then boyfriend and I broke up a few days after I left our hometown, and it suddenly hit me… It’s all about to change for me. I was terrified.
When I got the job, it felt like I was swimming in an ocean of change. I met new people, which I wasn’t accustomed to, because I spent a year in my room trying not to think of anything but what to eat for lunch, and there I was, changing.
“This is the funny thing about growing up. For years and years, everybody’s desperately afraid to be different in any way. And then, suddenly, almost over night, everybody wants to be different. And that is where we win” ~ Mitchell (Modern Family)
After two years of doing the same thing every day, I quit my job. It took a while before I had to realize that I wasn’t really terrified anymore. I thought I’d suck at all this adult shit life throws at me, I thought the world was just horrible and all I had to do was dodge each shit thrown at me, and then everything will be alright.
But that’s not exactly how it works. Everything does change, and whenever that happens, there’s always a reason behind it. Sure, sometimes, change can be hard. It’s hard to adjust to something you’re not accustomed to do. It’s not easy to add something to your routine, or maybe try to forget something you’re used to always seeing or doing. Sometimes, people will change, and you will have to let them go, no matter how painful it gets.
“If you’re not losing people in your life, then you’re not growing up.”
It’s been a year since I changed the theme for MarshMary. I was accustomed to the same theme, seeing the same things everyday. There’s no harm in that, right? I mean, I always go for the minimalist designs, and I think it was a good thing to keep whatever worked for me a year ago, for the rest of my life. But three days ago, I found a new one that I think I also like very much, and I just changed the whole website, just like that.
Before I started blogging, I knew nothing about all those codes and whatnots, but I knew I had to learn so I did. When I changed this website’s theme, it felt like my whole world just ended right before my very eyes. I worked so hard, it took me weeks to complete my previous theme, that I was extremely terrified I will not be able to put it back the way I want it to be. I left the website, and tried to forget it even existed for three whole days. I was freaking out a bit.
This morning though, I realized… So what if it’s all new? New is good. It’s when you can start over. It’s when you learn from your past mistakes and deal with whatever you have to deal with now. I think MarshMary’s theme now looks better, right?
Change is good. It’s something you can hold on to when everything in life seems so crazy. It’s crazy because everything changes eventually, no matter how much you try to hold on to it and never let it go. You have to. Eventually, you do. That’s how you know you’re changing too – you learn to accept things and you deal with things as you go. You’ll be fine, all you have to do is drop it, let if float away, and allow it to change at its own pace, in its own perfect time.
Author: Mary Elizabeth Francisco
A huge fan of chocolate chip cookies. Hypertensive. Loves ice cream and taking pictures of the sky. Believes that coffee makes the world a better place. Just a girl, not a hero. Not yet, that is.